VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
