At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
