Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
