Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
