I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
