Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
