well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
