I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
