The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
