I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
