You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.