Sry I called you an 8
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
farters have to be the big spoon...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
