remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
