a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
