So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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