Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I met the friendliest cop last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He better not be in your backpack
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
