you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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