In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
