went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
