I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Come on in and take your pants off
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