I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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