So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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