she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
