You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
