Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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