u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
