Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
