Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
