I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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