There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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