i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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