you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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