you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
