May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
