Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
