why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
