the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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