Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
