She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
