Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
