Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
