Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
