Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
