yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
