WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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