He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
