i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
