they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
