3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
