does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.