Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises

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(905): So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises http://tfl.nu/ed2j

Replies (15) Good night (1686) Bad night (856)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

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(780): i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/5eaf

Replies (33) Good night (845) Bad night (6141)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

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(413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v

Replies (38) Good night (6089) Bad night (1226)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

(760): View more from California

Wow.

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(901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1

Replies (16) Good night (4349) Bad night (1611)
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(208): View more from Idaho

this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this

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(208): this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this http://tfl.nu/vlz9

Replies (15) Good night (1192) Bad night (4178)
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(618): View more from Illinois

She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.

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(618): She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover. http://tfl.nu/cpec

Replies (13) Good night (4266) Bad night (1112)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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(937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6

Replies (14) Good night (1387) Bad night (3517)
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(626): View more from California

I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...

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(626): I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned... http://tfl.nu/wvxc

Replies (7) Good night (1804) Bad night (778)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?

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(501): Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill? http://tfl.nu/quyz

Replies (11) Good night (1696) Bad night (858)
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(650): View more from California

Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.

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(650): Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget. http://tfl.nu/sye0

Replies (4) Good night (789) Bad night (480)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.

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(240): I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep. http://tfl.nu/5qdv

Replies (7) Good night (943) Bad night (457)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.

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(803): I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly. http://tfl.nu/xwln

Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (817)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.

(580): View more from Oklahoma

I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.

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(580): She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand. (580): I'm worried because he hasn't removed it. http://tfl.nu/hp4o

Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (392)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.

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(973): THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK. http://tfl.nu/ffuw

Replies (2) Good night (1101) Bad night (360)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.

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(602): Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name. http://tfl.nu/98wx

Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (290)

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