Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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(718): View more from New York

is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station

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(850): View more from Florida

Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.

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(541): View more from Oregon

It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.

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(361): View more from Texas

I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.

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