Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.