Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
