I'm gonna have a badass scar
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
