real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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