Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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