I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
