just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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