Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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