You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
