We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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