Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
