Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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