fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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