My room smells like vodka and shame
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize