Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
