She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize