No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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