apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
