Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
