You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We need to get me chipped asap
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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