How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
