Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
