Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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