Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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