I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
