wakey wakey hands off snakey
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
