What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
