So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
