her vagine was all disorganized.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
