No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
