I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
