Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize