Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
