is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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